True Blood S02E01 - BLOW BY BLOW! (Not literally... I don't think.)

[theantijoss]

Ehem. SQUEEEEE!

SAM! And Sookie & Tara screaming.

Oh, Andy, drunken sheriff. OMG! Heart ripped out... wait, it's NOT LAFAYETTE! IT'S MISS JEANNETTE! HOLY SHIT!!!!

I wanna do real bad things with you!

Hee. Of course Andy thinks about his car. And here comes the real law. "Yeah, um, Andy, you're shit faced, why don't you just go home and leave this to the grown-ups?"

"I AM NOT... OVERWORKED!"

Sam's all, "Here, baby, let me comfort you."

Hi Bill! Hi Jessica. Hee. "Whilst you are under mah ruff, huntin' is strictlah fabiddin."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "We also recycle in this house."

Oh, dear. This is going to be a problem, when Sookie sees Jessica. Wooooooo! I need my Tara icon, and I don't think I brought it over to DW! Damn.

"I am going to have a guest coming over."

"Can we eat her?"

"No, you may NOT."

Hee. "I will not have you looking like a slattern." "A what?"

Oh dear, Jason's reading. That can't be good. Well, you know, superstition masquerading as knowlege in the hands of stupid people = freaky religious zealots, ya'll.

Aw, poor Andy, he just can't catch a break.

Oh dear, it's just never a good thing when Tara's Mama shows up. Oh, shit... they didn't need to tell her all of that. Ten bucks she starts drinking again.

Oh, shit, what the hell is this in the basement? OMG LAFAYETTE? SHIT! Maybe he doesn't survive after all. I guess we know now what happens to V dealers who get caught.

Jesus, that imagery with the chains around Lafayette's neck is really uncool.

Oh, Sookie, you're going to want to hear what he says. Hee. Oh dear, Jessica. Perfect timing, as expected.

Well, I'm glad Tara's mom is deluded, at least. Hee. And here comes the evil for her soul right now! Oh, SNAP! "I always wondered what it would be like to gaze into the eyes of someone so devoid of human compassion, that she would abandon her own child when she needed you most." I know Maryann is evil and all, but woot!

"Ew, OLD!" LOL. "Compared to Fangtasia, this BLOWS." Damn, I love that girl.

"So she couldn't have anything to do with that poor woman at Merlotte's with her heart torn out?" "No!... Probably not."

Don't trust him, Sookie! That's some heavy foreshadowing he's playing right now! I mean, if we're following the books and I really hope we are.

Oh, Bill, you fucked up.

Ugh, the whole Fellowship of the Sun shit gives me the creep. Poor dumb Jason. "I've been reading your father's book, and it's been making me... um... think? About things?" And Mrs. Preacher, I think, may be having some lust in her heart, there.

The Light of Day Institute? That can't be good. And Jason as a "leader"? Oh my. Although he was sort of a leader of his little group. Despite his lack in the brains department, he IS an alpha male.

Jesus, they're already sucking $1200 bucks out of the poor kid. He just wants to belong somewhere, to find some explanation that makes sense to him, a way to deal with Amy's death.

Oh dear, Sam's at Maryanne's. This can't be good, considering their meeting at the end of last season.

HEY, I HAVE THAT NILE RIVER GODDESS STATUE! A bit smaller, but it's the same one.

Awww.... poor lost Beagle!Sam. What's in the garbage bag that he wants to give her? Awesome how it parrallels with him stealing a garbage bag full of her stuff as a kid.

Is Sookie dreaming? I thought she moved into Gran's room? I miss Gran too. Oh, I see, she's never gone through her room. OH! I forgot about Uncle Bartlett. Uh oh, Bill is SO up shit's creek. Much like Uncle Bartlett. Hee.

Heh, I'm so freaking morbid, but child molesters deserve whatever they get. Oooh, blood money, get it?

Oh, HELLO, Eggs. Hello big fat joint! Uh oh... Maryann's a Dionysian, isn't she? That's not going to go well.

Heh -- I was going to say something about the constant supply of fresh fruit and pot too. LOL. You know, Tara has a smokin' bod. Okay, these two pretty people need to seriously get it on, like STAT. JEEBUS, look at all that fruit!

Ouch. Carl, you fucked up, dude. There's our first real sign that something's just not right about Maryann besides the fact that she's just too good to be true.

You tell him, Hoyt! People don't give Hoyt enough credit. Religion should never be about hate. And there's Jason's "sign". *Sigh* Oh, Sookie, you have no idea what you've just done.

I wonder how many times I'm going to say, "Poor, stupid Jason" this season.

Oh, okay, that's... um.... more weird than kinky. Although at 17, I suppose Sam, like most teenaged boys, isn't too picky about who he fucks.

Hey! That new waitress used to be on my most hated soap opera, The Bold & the Beautiful. In fact, I think she's still on there, last I checked... which isn't often because it's SO BAD. Ehem. Anyway.

You know, the books really taint my view of the show sometimes, because I REALLY hate Arlene more than I should if I was only watching the show. It's almost like being psychic!

Oh, man, Lafayette is having an existential crisis. Not that I blame him. I can't believe he's locked up with the AIDSburger guy!

"Oh, are you two like, gay together?" And Hoyt goes "Uh buhhhhh..." Poor stupid Jason and poor shy Hoyt.

Aw, you go Terry! What a sweetie pie. Too bad Arlene totally doesn't deserve him. (But we're not supposed to know that yet, and besides maybe Ball won't go that way.)

And Jason has the love wisdom? Oy.

OH GOD SQUARE DANCERS! How can you be scared of vampires when you've got SQUARE DANCERS around?

"Oh, you are SOOOO not Eric." You're damn skippy, honey. Bill's got his charms, but he'll NEVER be Eric. Oops. She put the glass bottle in the paper recycling! BAD fledgling. BAD.

Wow, Sam is sort of snappy, huh? Ooh, good saying, "I'm tired of charring my ass on your back burner." You go, Sam.

Jesus, Andy, you're just making a fool out of yourself now. And HEE the Sheriff is a SQUARE DANCER! And he won first place! Nice ribbon on your... really scary shirt.

Man, Sam is in a seriously bad way. Wow, he was some little thief, huh? And doesn't he find it even the slightest bit odd that there are clothes that fit him precisely in the closet, and a stack of money in the drawer? Eiyee!

OH! I just figured out where Lafayette is! At first I thought he was being held captive in The Fellowship of the Sun's basement -- that goes with the larger arc of the season. But what are they pushing around and around? Now I think he and the others are in MARYANN'S basement. She feeds on emotion, and misery is a pretty strong one. I think she ate Miss Jeannette's heart after scaring her 3/4 of the way to death. And Lafayette is still alive either because 1.) Maryann knows he means something to Tara and she doesn't want to waste that death until she can maximise it, and 2.) Lafayette isn't totally losing it, freaking out, or showing much emotion at all, so maybe he's just not tasty yet.

EEEE. I love a good mystery!

Oh dear. "It's not your money I want."

Awww! Eggs n Tara TLA! Why do I think that's going to go just as badly as it did in the books? Not that we get much detail about Tara AT ALL in the books, and I think we saw Eggs what, once?

Poor Sam.

Oh, Bill, you are so busted. But first, Sookie is going to be sweet to Jessica. Well, yeah, Sookie is going to be sweet to Jessica -- none of this is her fault AT ALL. It's all the Magistrate and Bill's... although Bill can't really be blamed for Jessica, considering his choices were let Sookie die in the first place or give her to Eric, which, although I would certainly enjoy it, Sookie would not... YET. *G* Anyway, Uncle Bartlett's execution, although perfectly understandable considering Bill's 19th century chivalrous mentality and the fact that he's a vampire, is NOT going to go over well with Sookie. But let me take it off pause and see what happens.

Um, Bill. You should say something here. BUT NOT DO SCARY VAMPIRE SPEED THINGS, because that's REALLY not going to help! Awww. You know, I like Bill so much more on the TV show than in the books. Stephen Moyer REALLY makes him three dimensional. His speech to sookie at the end is just... GAH. I almost wish I hadn't read the books, because I really don't like the character knowing what we'll find out later. I feel a little sorry for him, but I have a difficult time excusing him. But still, a really beautiful and touching speech. Awwwwww. I'm just waiting for Jessica to walk in and interrupt their lovely moment (ooh, smexy! BLOODPLAY YAY! Okay, yeah, I have a kink. LOL) I can't believe she didn't walk in on them!

Plus, you know, I love me some Eric, in the books and on the show. Speaking of, are we really not going to see him in the first ep? That could make me cry you know.

OMG It's ERIC! Getting his hair done... Damn! Eric's a big boy, yo. And SHIT! BADASS! DOn't burn his pretty face! OMG! OMG AWESOME! Damn, man.

OMG HOW AM I GOING TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT WEEK? SQUEEEEE! THAT WAS SO FUCKING AWESOME! *does freaky geeky dance!*

Is it Sunday yet? Or rather, for me, Monday?